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by Greyias



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon Mixed with Headcanon, Character Study, F/M, Introspection, No Dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 14:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18802375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greyias/pseuds/Greyias
Summary: In many ways, Theron Shan had been born a drifter.





	Home

****In many ways, Theron Shan had been born a drifter.

A wanderer that never really stopped in one place long enough to call home. He’d come into the galaxy inside of a cave on a no-name backwater planet and his earliest memories were traveling the stars. It was best to never stay in one place too long — that was Ngani Zho’s philosophy. And where Master Zho went, Theron followed. 

Whether it was on Monastery studying with the Order of the Sacred Circle, or running from the Brotherhood of the Obscene Martyr, or descending into the Valley of the Deathdroids. Most would have said that it was no way to raise a child, but Zho would have argued back that it was the perfect way to raise a Jedi — and would a Shan of Theron’s bloodline ever be anything but? Besides. Theron had loved it. Every day was an adventure building towards his birthright.

Until one day it wasn’t.

After he and Master Zho had parted ways at Haashimut, Theron tried to do the same with his upbringing. But he still clung to childhood routines. He still meditated and fasted — and most of all, he drifted. First to the swoop circuits, and then for the SIS. For the longest time, he’d thought that perhaps there he’d finally found a purpose. Maybe not a place to stay, but at least it was a calling. And if he had to crack in a few bad guys’ heads in the name of the greater good, at least he’d done something to tip the balance. No one could take that from him.

And it was fine. Good even. Maybe it wasn’t the life most would have chosen. Hell, if the Force had dealt Theron a different deck of cards he probably wouldn’t have even chosen it. But it had. And despite all of that, he was damn good at his job. Almost as if this was what he was born to be. An irredeemable drifter keeping everyone at arms’ length. A spy chasing one thrill to the next, whether he was cheating death on the job or finding a quick release afterwards in a back alley in the arms of an attractive stranger. Always unable to find happiness lest adrenaline was rushing through his veins. 

The job was enough. Or it should have been since it was all he had. However it never quite seemed to satisfy that small, wanting part of him. No matter how many successful missions or commendations or medals he racked up — not that he stopped trying, because maybe it was just that he hadn’t found that perfect mission yet. Maybe just taking out a few more Sith (or even another Dark Councilor) might satisfy that strange yearning in him he couldn’t quantify. And if he couldn’t do that, then he resolved to just ignore it.

Then he got the call. Spec Ops needed help for a special operation on Korriban. A smash and grab job to get intel to help win the war. It was just another mission, even if he was acting behind the scenes this time. At the beginning he thought that perhaps netting this win for the Republic would be the important thing. Except it went sideways and he found himself caught up in something bigger than even his paranoid imagination could dream up. A conspiracy woven throughout the galaxy, ready to tear apart the institutions he’d grown up with. Maybe unraveling this was what he’d always been meant to do. The moment he’d been waiting for.

And then there was her. His asset he’d recruited for the operation, who had followed him from Carrick Station to Manaan. And beyond. She was… unexpected. The Republic’s prized little hero that he’d unwittingly drawn into this web of intrigue. Or maybe she was a distraction. He really couldn’t tell, so he tried what he’d always done. Shove away the personal, focus on the job. Save the day first. Everything else could wait. And if it didn’t, then it wasn’t really that important anyway, right?

That’s what he told himself when they’d argued over the comms over the best way to proceed on Rakata Prime. Had muttered over and over under his breath as he waited to hear with his new _Sith_ contact if their operations team had survived the assault from Order of Revan. Definitely hadn’t wondered about as his life had disintegrated in front of him as those that had infiltrated both the Republic and Empire had marked them all as enemies of state. It was the relief of someone with few allies he’d felt when he’d discovered she’d survived. That was all. He needed all the help he could get.

He definitely didn’t… dream of her while in exile. Because that would have been unprofessional. Stupid. He was anything but. Besides he’d had more important things to worry about than some _Jedi_ heroically galavanting across the galaxy. Like clearing his name. Saving the galaxy from his somehow not-dead ancestor. And whatever scheme he had concocted when no one had been paying attention.  And yet…

When he’d laid eyes on her again months later it had been… he didn’t know. He wasn’t sure what the word was. Didn’t know what to make of the fluttery feeling in his chest as she smiled at him. Or how to respond when she’d tossed him a flirty compliment. She was the distraction. Not the mission. Not the important thing. But then he’d gotten captured, and she… she came for him. She didn’t have to. But she did. And he couldn’t process that. Not until her lips had found his, just as searching and wanting. Needing some sort of absolution that couldn’t be made with mere words.

And then he was swept along as if he’d been caught in some inescapable current. Even if he had _wanted_ to escape it was nearly impossible. By the time they’d finished with the Revanties on Yavin, Theron was completely under her spell. Even before the blissful afternoon they’d spent together on his shuttle he hadn’t been able to disentangle his emotions. He’d spent so long trying to keep everyone away, he hadn’t even noticed when she’d managed to break through the walls he’d spent so long building up. Hadn’t realized how… nice it was to let someone in. To share with another. Instead of push them away.

And stars. He was just some Force blind fool. What did he have to offer _her_? The person that had saved the galaxy over and over again. All of his accomplishments just paled against what she had done. Not that she seemed to care. Whenever she looked at him, she didn’t see his failings. She just seemed to see him. Somehow the best parts of him. And he didn’t get that. Not one bit. Not that it stopped him from trying to hold on to whatever this…. thing… was.

So of course, it was taken away.

Not by Ziost. Although his failure there should have done it. It didn’t though. She came rushing to his aid there again. Despite everything, she had his back again. Even tried to take him with her afterwards but he refused. The SIS had given him purpose when no one else had and that was worth fighting for. At least he thought it had.

In the blink of an eye something new had swept in while the Empire and Republic continued to take potshots at each other and laid everything to waste. Zakuul made everyone bow before the might of this galactic stranger. That should have been the worst part. Seeing the institution he’d devoted his entire life to start to crumble from the inside and out. But it wasn’t. They had taken _her_. Taken away his… his… he didn’t know. But whatever they’d had was gone now.

It was like Haashimut all over again. Although it felt worse and he didn’t know why. It shouldn’t have because he was an adult now. And this wasn’t as life changing as that had been. It was just another person who had left him. Like everyone else in his life. It shouldn’t have driven to him distraction. But maybe it was just the final chink in his armor, the proverbial straw that broke the eopie’s back. Because the Republic that he’d fought and bled for, sacrificed for his entire life was hardly recognizable now. Beholden to Zakuul. And the corporate interests. And a corrupt politician holding onto everything with an ironclad grip. 

So Theron Shan did what he did best. He drifted again.

To nowhere in particular. For no one in particular. And he fought like he had nothing to lose. On his better days he said he did it for justice. Because the people of the galaxy deserved better than the constant cycle of war that had been thrust upon him. Deserved some sort of respite from an endless grudge match, no matter the contestants. On his bad days he knew the real reason. This was vengeance, plain and simple. Because the bastards that had torn everything away from him needed to pay. No. More than that. They _deserved_ it.

That was tempered some when he found out the truth—that Zakuul had lied. They hadn’t killed his Jedi, but frozen her away in carbonite. This revelation brought clarity and focus. He had a new mission now, he had to rescue her. Like she was always doing for him. And then they could do something about Zakuul, because if anyone could put those bastards in their place it was her. He’d learned a long time ago to never put too much faith in other people, but she wasn’t _other people_. 

She was something else entirely.

Which was why five years after he’d stolen his last glance at her on Carrick Station he was holding his breath as he stepped onto a new planet where she’d set up camp. Had rallied others like him to the cause. Had tried to hold onto his cool as she teased him gently as if time and Zakuul had never torn them apart. As if everything around them hadn’t gone to hell. Hadn’t changed him into someone else. Possibly someone unrecognizable to her.

But damn if the woman wasn’t doggedly persistent and finally she managed to get him away from the crowd. Got him talking about everything she had missed while locked in her carbonite sleep. Got him all distracted again like she was so good at doing. And before he could stop himself, he was being honest again. Like some foolish star-eyed teenager crossing the desert on Haashimut looking for his destiny.

But she just smiled at him, despite his declaration of affection that somehow sounded both clumsy and far more suave than he was intending. Like she was just seeing him again. Not all of the anger and bitterness he’d accumulated since they’d last spoken. Or maybe she was seeing that too and just didn’t care, because she was responding in kind and moving closer. And her hands were sliding around his neck, her lips meeting his and for a moment it all faded away. Until the only thing left in the galaxy was him and her. 

And that’s when Theron knew.

He was finally home.


End file.
